Smackin' Isaiah

It was 11 am in my appartment on the morning of the Warped Tour. I was putting on sunscreen, and thinking about the day I had ahead of me. I was really excited to see NOFX, Lagwagon, and New Found Glory. But most of all, I was excited to finally see Smackin' Isaiah because they were one of the only bands on the tour that I really wanted to see, but had not seen before. My ticket said the show started at 2:30. Fernando suggested that we show up a little early, so we showed up at 1:00 to be on the safe side. So, you can imagine how pissed off, frusterated, and bummed out I was when I found out that Smackin' Isaiah had played at 12:30! How fucked is that?! If Kevin Lyman were standing next to me, he would have gotten one mean titty twister! I'm still pissed! Anyway, if you haven't heard of Smackin' Isaiah, they rock. They play straight up punk rock. Punk rock like it's supposed to be played, fast, hard and loud. No whining, no acoustic guitars, no bullshit. So, although I didn't get to see them play, I did get to interview these crazy guys, and here is how it all went down.

All right, who wants to give a brief history of the band, were you're from, how long you've been around, shit like that.
John, Nick, Chris and Nuno: Not it! Trevor: Well, we were born in New Bedford, Massachusetts and we're influenced by monsters.

Ok, how did you guys meet, and how long have you been around?
Trevor: Well, we were sitting around with a bunch of monsters and they were influencing us, and I don't know, here we are! I can't tell you enough that we're influenced by monsters. Dracula, Frankenstein...

Bel Biv Devoe?
Trevor: Bel Biv Devoe, BBD, East Coast Family!

Haha! Ok, if you were going to be stranded on a desert island, and could only bring 3 CDs, and 3 other things, what would you bring?
John: Three CDs? Shit, I don't know. I'd probably bring all three of ours, and maybe my girlfriend. Nick: I'd bring Lifetime, Quicksand, and my girlfriend. Chris: Three CDs and what?

Three other things.
John and Nick: Three other things?!? Oh... Chris: The new Strike Anywhere, the new Thrice, and oh shit... I don't know, the Pretty in Pink soundtrack. Probably my girlfriend, I'd bring Jesse, and I don't know... a change of socks. Trevor: Nosferatu, Creature From the Black Lagoon, uh... Nuno: Dracula. Trevor: Dracula, that's Nosferatu, and uh... Freddy Krueger. Nuno: I'd bring Bad Religion – All Ages, any Hot Water, and probably Op. Ivy – Energy. And... Thomas, a surfboard, and weed. John: Ah!! You picked weed over beers?

Ok, if you could never have sex again, or have sex once with a cow, what would you do?
Nuno: That's a trick question; don't answer that! John: Huh?

Never have sex again, or have sex with a cow once.
Trevor: Is this a vampire cow? John: I'd go with never have sex again. I think I jerk off pretty good; I'm good at it. Nick: I guess I'd have to fuck the cow. Chris: I'd bang that cow like it's never been banged!

Yeah, with 8 tits, you really can't go wrong!
Trevor: I'd whack off. We're a band named Smackin' Isaiah so... Nuno: Dude, I'd just jerk off.

Ok, if you could be anyone for a day, who would you be?
John: Anyone for a day? I know Chris would be Christopher Walken. But shit, me? I don't know. I'd probably like to be an animal, like a cheetah or something like that, something fast. Nick: What was the question?

If you could be anyone for a day, who would you be?
Nuno: Or apparently any safari animal. Nick: I'd be an elephant. Chris: Definitely Christopher Walken! Trevor: Conor, are there any more monster questions coming up?

Sure, what monster would you be for a day?
Trevor: I would be Jason from Friday the 13th - ‘cause he keeps comin' back, you can't kill the motha' fucka'. Nuno: I would like to be, uh... fuck. I don't know who I would like to be for a day. I was thinking Dracula... yeah, Dracula!

What's the funniest or craziest thing that's ever happened on tour?
John: Oh god, I don't know. Probably Trevor falling over his amp yesterday, that was pretty funny! I'd say ever... Chris: Being woken up in the middle of the night having Trevor screaming about a fuckin' bionic moose! Trevor: Big, big motha' fucka' man. He was walking so slow, he was like "Hey! Come get me motha' fucka', come get me." Ya know what I'm sayin'? Chris: He started screaming his head off about this fuckin' moose as we're driving through Canada. Nuno: He woke everybody up. Chris: "OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?" Trevor: He had bionic legs, and fuckin' vampire teeth, and this little crooked smile. It was fucked up.

What do you guys think about MP3s, and people sharing your music over the internet?
John: Fuck it. Nuno: I think everyone's guilty of it, ya know what I mean? I think everyone's guilty of it. I mean, I would like people to come to our shows and maybe buy a CD. It would help us get across the United States, but whatever. As long as people are listening to it, people are listening to it.

Alright, thanks guys! Any closing comments, or shout outs to other bands?
Trevor: First of all, beware of monsters. Here Be Monsters in New Bedford. Go to that store if you're ever around there. Chris: Check out our new best friends on the West Coast, Falsehood, a fuckin' awesome band from Santa Barbara. John: Much The Same from Chicago, Belvedere from Calgary, SCFS from Montana, Let's see... fuck. Chris: Drexel. John: Drexel from back home, Big D, all the Fork in Hand guys, Jump Start... dot com. Nick: I'd like to thank my mom.

BW